So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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