you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
should my penis look like a turkey
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
