kristin has been a bad kristin
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
