well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize