all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
