I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
