Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
