If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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