is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
