He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
