fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
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Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs