Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
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Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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