My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
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We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
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You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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