Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.