She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
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Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.