I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
