I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
