Porn is love you can see.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
