Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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