You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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