I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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