I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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