yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she looked like the before picture.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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