How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
