She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
