this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
