why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
