just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
