Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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