i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
