I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
