just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
