I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Someone signed my nipple.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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