It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
