my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
