Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
