i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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