he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
