And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
