So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
