i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
