no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
