She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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