my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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