I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
