SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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