Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
