This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
