We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
