Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Congratulations! We have a period
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