I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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