things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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