this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
