He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
