I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
