No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
