I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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