lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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