He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
