My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
