i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
