ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
