no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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