TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
